Me.

So, I had a check up at the Dr. on Monday. I am starting a new pain med. and I think that will help my physical quality of life a lot. At least I hope it will. It already seems to be working WAY better than the previous one.

My Dr. suspects I may have sleep apnea... What?! Based on some symptoms I've been having, and the Dr. speaking with Kelly who has confirmed that I appear to stop breathing at times during the night, she decided to send me for a sleep study. I'm not really looking forward to it, but if it provides some answers and helps me sleep better, and in turn have better mornings and days, then I'll do it.

I hate missing out on things because of not feeling well, and I hate having to cancel. So, for those of you who have had extreme patience when I've had to call off plans at the last minute, thank you from the bottom of my heart. One of my deepest fears is that no one will give me a chance anymore. Would I even give me a chance if the situation was reversed? It's a lonely place sometimes.

I don't talk about my health a whole lot, and I never have on this blog before. I don't want to complain, I don't want to be negative, and I don't want to have an unGodly outlook at the portion God has allowed. Although it's a HUGE part of my life, I still don't want my identity to be "that woman with chronic illness." I have learned to live in spite of the pain for the most part. If I was crabby every time I was hurting, well, I'd be crabby most of the time! That's not the person I want to be, that's not the person God made me to be. I know it's hard to understand what's going on with my health...I don't even understand it myself half the time. There are people who don't believe me, and there are those that believe they have a miracle quick fix. I hate disappointing other people...hearing frustration in their voice...seeing annoyance on their faces.

I know this was a random post, but I just needed to talk it out...er, write it out.

*****************************************************************

Pain.

External, internal, gut wrenching, soul bearing, heart throbbing, aching, longing, lonely, misunderstood, betrayed, ignored, shamed, self-loathing, confidience bursting, character questioning, embarrassing, overwhelming, crippling, judging, hurtful, sad, hopeless, empty, relentless, cruel, misunderstood, guilty, back-stabbing.

A savior.

Tear wiping, soul cleansing, heart mending, filling, understanding, loving, gracious, involved, friend, sin erasing, uplifting, embracing, freeing, leading, rest, comforting, safe, hope, peace, faithful, kind, true, just, solid, sweet, accepting, generous, available, ever-lasting.

Healing.

Be still...

"Be still, and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

The heart determines behavior

I've been reading a really good book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart," by Tedd Tripp. It was recommended to me at my baby shower by Kelly's cousins... and I'm just getting around to reading it!

You know how they say that the two things in life that teach us more about ourselves than anything else are 1) marriage, or 2) having children? Well, reading this "parenting" book has exposed a lot of wisdom about the condition of the human heart. It touches on the basics of a heart wholly surrendered to Christ, and the subsequent behavior that mirrors His righteousness. It is the quest for righteousness that should drive our children's behavior, and OUR behavior.

Here is a small excerpt from the book,


"The heart determines behavior.

Learn, therefore, to work back from behavior to the heart. Expose heart struggles. Help your children see that they were made for a relationship with God. The thirst of the heart can be satisfied in truly knowing God."

Hmmmmm...does MY OWN behavior reflect a heart that loves the Lord? Do I behave in a way that honors Him? Are my words and actions filled with contentment, tenderness, calmness, joy, quietness, patience, kindness, peace, and love? Or are they laced with discontentment, negativity, anger, agitation, dispair, impatience, rudeness, worry, and hate? Do I fake a "righteous" behavior in public, but behave poorly at home with my children and husband? If I have a behavior problem, I have a heart problem.

Godly attributes cannot be faked. They overflow from a heart that is filled with Him. In order to be filled with Him, I have to know Him. I have to expose my heart struggles. I have to surrender my behavior. I have to seek the ultimate heart doctor and allow Him to heal me.

Luke 6:45
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.


The words to this song are perfect.

Change my heart oh God,
make it ever true
Change my heart oh God,
may I be like you.

You are the potter,
I am the clay.
Mold me and make me,
this is what I pray.

Wwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Our internet isn't working :(. Soooooo I will only be able to check my email/blog/etc. sporadically until we figure it out.

Won't ya miss me?!




P.S. I am still available by phone or text!

Karyn Sharin' -- Amazon toy sale

Haven't posted any bargains in a while and with Christmas right around the corner, I thought this may help some of you.

http://www.amazon.com/


They are having their TOY SALE and seriously have some AMAZING deals right now! Orders over $25 are shipped free, if the items you order say "eligible for super saver shipping." (most items qualify)

I think we're getting this for Aspen-

Baby Alive learns to potty- he he he!

Regular price $59.99

Sale price $18.99!!!!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00160HTUW/ref=ord_cart_shr?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&v=glance

My husband wants this...
http://www.amazon.com/Air-Hogs-Havoc-Heli-Colors/dp/B000NSFO3W/ref=pd_mw_t_23?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games
(apparently, the age range should be 8 to 34)


Check it out!
Happy Shopping!

Summer blessings

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik


The doorbell rang yesterday. I do not answer the door when Kelly isn't home. I peeked out the window and saw the flower delivery van. Hmmmm.... I figured it was a late delivery for Kelly's birthday (why someone would send a man flowers, I don't know). I opened the door and was handed a beautiful arrangement complete with my favorite colored purple ribbon and pot. The card had my name on it! I tore open the card and was immediately moved to tears. My very dear bff sent me flowers, because she knows our life has been a bit more trying lately and she wanted me to know she is thinking of me and there for me. What a blessing. A totally unexpected, but heart warming, blessing.





Thank you Summer, from the bottom of my heart---for the flowers, for the encouragement, for the extra grace, for your kind heart, for your friendship, for everything you've done for me.



LOL

Happy Birthday Kelly!!!

You're hilarious!



You can fall asleep anywhere.



You enjoy the outdoors, and one of the greatest joys in my life has been watching you be a dad to our little girl. Your love for her melts my heart.




You are my best friend.





You show me in you love me in so many ways.

You kill the spiders. You compliment me. You listen. You understand my heart. You always check when I hear a weird noise at night. You let me shop. You rub my legs when they hurt. You protect me. You fix the covers. You drive carefully when I'm putting my make-up on in the car. You hold me when I cry. You treat me better than I deserve. You take interest in the things I'm passionate about. You don't complain when the house is a mess. You apologize when you're wrong. You work hard. You want my opinion. You pray for me and Aspen. You defend me. You make me laugh all-the-time. You love our families. You get up with Aspen in the night. You sing. You love the Lord.


Happy birthday honey.

I love you and I love the way you love me.