Wednesday, December 17, 2008


So, I had a check up at the Dr. on Monday. I am starting a new pain med. and I think that will help my physical quality of life a lot. At least I hope it will. It already seems to be working WAY better than the previous one.

My Dr. suspects I may have sleep apnea... What?! Based on some symptoms I've been having, and the Dr. speaking with Kelly who has confirmed that I appear to stop breathing at times during the night, she decided to send me for a sleep study. I'm not really looking forward to it, but if it provides some answers and helps me sleep better, and in turn have better mornings and days, then I'll do it.

I hate missing out on things because of not feeling well, and I hate having to cancel. So, for those of you who have had extreme patience when I've had to call off plans at the last minute, thank you from the bottom of my heart. One of my deepest fears is that no one will give me a chance anymore. Would I even give me a chance if the situation was reversed? It's a lonely place sometimes.

I don't talk about my health a whole lot, and I never have on this blog before. I don't want to complain, I don't want to be negative, and I don't want to have an unGodly outlook at the portion God has allowed. Although it's a HUGE part of my life, I still don't want my identity to be "that woman with chronic illness." I have learned to live in spite of the pain for the most part. If I was crabby every time I was hurting, well, I'd be crabby most of the time! That's not the person I want to be, that's not the person God made me to be. I know it's hard to understand what's going on with my health...I don't even understand it myself half the time. There are people who don't believe me, and there are those that believe they have a miracle quick fix. I hate disappointing other people...hearing frustration in their voice...seeing annoyance on their faces.

I know this was a random post, but I just needed to talk it, write it out.



External, internal, gut wrenching, soul bearing, heart throbbing, aching, longing, lonely, misunderstood, betrayed, ignored, shamed, self-loathing, confidience bursting, character questioning, embarrassing, overwhelming, crippling, judging, hurtful, sad, hopeless, empty, relentless, cruel, misunderstood, guilty, back-stabbing.

A savior.

Tear wiping, soul cleansing, heart mending, filling, understanding, loving, gracious, involved, friend, sin erasing, uplifting, embracing, freeing, leading, rest, comforting, safe, hope, peace, faithful, kind, true, just, solid, sweet, accepting, generous, available, ever-lasting.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Be still...

"Be still, and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10

Monday, December 15, 2008

The heart determines behavior

I've been reading a really good book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart," by Tedd Tripp. It was recommended to me at my baby shower by Kelly's cousins... and I'm just getting around to reading it!

You know how they say that the two things in life that teach us more about ourselves than anything else are 1) marriage, or 2) having children? Well, reading this "parenting" book has exposed a lot of wisdom about the condition of the human heart. It touches on the basics of a heart wholly surrendered to Christ, and the subsequent behavior that mirrors His righteousness. It is the quest for righteousness that should drive our children's behavior, and OUR behavior.

Here is a small excerpt from the book,

"The heart determines behavior.

Learn, therefore, to work back from behavior to the heart. Expose heart struggles. Help your children see that they were made for a relationship with God. The thirst of the heart can be satisfied in truly knowing God."

Hmmmmm...does MY OWN behavior reflect a heart that loves the Lord? Do I behave in a way that honors Him? Are my words and actions filled with contentment, tenderness, calmness, joy, quietness, patience, kindness, peace, and love? Or are they laced with discontentment, negativity, anger, agitation, dispair, impatience, rudeness, worry, and hate? Do I fake a "righteous" behavior in public, but behave poorly at home with my children and husband? If I have a behavior problem, I have a heart problem.

Godly attributes cannot be faked. They overflow from a heart that is filled with Him. In order to be filled with Him, I have to know Him. I have to expose my heart struggles. I have to surrender my behavior. I have to seek the ultimate heart doctor and allow Him to heal me.

Luke 6:45
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

The words to this song are perfect.

Change my heart oh God,
make it ever true
Change my heart oh God,
may I be like you.

You are the potter,
I am the clay.
Mold me and make me,
this is what I pray.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


Our internet isn't working :(. Soooooo I will only be able to check my email/blog/etc. sporadically until we figure it out.

Won't ya miss me?!

P.S. I am still available by phone or text!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Karyn Sharin' -- Amazon toy sale

Haven't posted any bargains in a while and with Christmas right around the corner, I thought this may help some of you.

They are having their TOY SALE and seriously have some AMAZING deals right now! Orders over $25 are shipped free, if the items you order say "eligible for super saver shipping." (most items qualify)

I think we're getting this for Aspen-

Baby Alive learns to potty- he he he!

Regular price $59.99

Sale price $18.99!!!!

My husband wants this...
(apparently, the age range should be 8 to 34)

Check it out!
Happy Shopping!